Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
