just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
