end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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