So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
