so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
