Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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