Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
