arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
