this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
