Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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