Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
