You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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