Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
