you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
