Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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