You can't motorboat a personality
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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