I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
