I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
