Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she looked like the before picture.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
