she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
