he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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