i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
