I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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