Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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