Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
