We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
