shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
