Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
