nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
