She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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