So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
