i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it's like iHOP with fire
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
