god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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