You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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