Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
