thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
