JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
