you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
