Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
