paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
