You made me cry and you don't even care
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
