So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
