I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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