ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
