I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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