Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
