i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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