The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
