oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
