Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
