So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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