I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
BRING THE BAGELS
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
