new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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