you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
